Visit to the doctors...

I really like my primary care doc.  She was a random choice 3 years ago, based on location, availability and that she was covered under my insurance.

Unlike many doctors, she did not want or try to put me on meds when she saw how high my cholesterol was.  She was honest and serious about the work I would have ahead.

When I returned to see her after almost 3 years she remembered me enough to mention my hair color when she first saw me, "I don't remember you being a red head."  Which impressed me considering how many patients she must see daily.

She then thanked me for making her look good.  Which surprised me.  She said she has the conversation multiple times a week with people who are over weight and have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or on the road to diabetes and that I was statistically one of the few who has managed to make the change - with exercise and diet - to the point that I had improved my health.  Then she asked if there was a trigger - I advised her that my dad dying from a heart attack last year was it.

Then, looking over my family history of cholesterol and heart disease she then went on to say that I should prepare for the chance that my cholesterol test may end up coming back high still, even will all the changes I've done, based on genetics alone.  She also stated that even if it is still high that she was no longer as concerned because of my health improvement and that I've put myself to about .5% to 1% in danger of having a heart event.  But, that as I move into my 50's and 60's that we might have to revisit the med's.

I heard her but - I really was sure that I wasn't that statistic and that my cholesterol definitely had to have gone down more.  Especially when she advised me that I had lost 62 lb's!  The weight loss information was awesome news, but had not been my goal.

Well - she was absolutely correct.  My cholesterol only dropped 9 more points.  Yep, that's it!  I'm officially at 251.  **sigh**  It was a crushing moment, but, I paused to listen to my doc's voice saying that most likely I'm just genetically predisposed to this crap.

I still can improve on the foods I'm eating - which might help a little bit more.  

But, my next goal is to change the stress in my life. Which means career changes.  And, there are days where thinking about that alone stresses me out more than my actual job - and, other days where I daydream about the day that my work life won't be stressful (which are increasing).

Meditation and calming my mind, for just even 5 minutes, is my next goal.  As I don't think I can hear my heart over my head - and I need to switch the path that I follow from my head to my heart. That I know!

I am slowly finding my path to find that calm and quiet - and, honestly - I'm looking forward to it!

The doc said, "Well, I'll see you in a couple of years." before I left that day.  Hopefully, when she does and we do the test again - I'll surprise us both!

Heartbreak. Heartache. Heartfelt.

Heartbreak

2014 was quite a year.  Just as I was moving to the next level of exercise, by learning an organized sport that looks like a lot of fun - roller derby - I fell and dislocated and broke my left shoulder.  That was in February 2014.  I listened to karma, the universe, my body, or whatever you'd like to call it and, have been patiently waiting until I feel that I'm in even BETTER shape before attempting that again.

Two short months later, April 11th, my dad died from a heart attack unexpectedly.  He was 71. Almost a year and a half later and I am still trying to process this loss.  Everyday I think of him and send him my love...everyday.  And, I'm listening to the universe, karma, whatever you'd like to call it.  Life is short, live each day as if it's your last, because you don't know and, have no control.

A few months later, our forever dog, Arthur, was diagnosed with cancer in his back left leg.  The options were to let him die from cancer, or have his leg amputated.  He was a mixed breed, but mostly beagle, and was still young enough that we decided to have his leg amputated.  Of course, the cost was more than we could afford and so we used gofundme.com to see if we could get help.  And, boy did we ever! Arthur had his leg amputated just before Christmas 2014 - and, healed up great, learned how to walk, run and go up and down stairs with his 3 legs.  For the first time since we owned him he was a dog.  And, then in March 2015 he died - from congestive heart failure - we had no idea.  He went in a week, before we even had a chance to realize that there was something seriously wrong with him.

Around the same time of finding out about Arthur I also had a 16 year friendship end.  It was a death of sorts and an adjustment of finding a new path with some new friends.

All-in-all an exhausting year 2014.

Heartache

There were many moments in 2014 where I just wanted to fall apart and give up.  The hurt in my heart and soul, along with the constant pain with my shoulder and continual push with physical therapy to work through it.

Well, there were days I fell apart in hysterical tears on my closet floor or in the shower...my emotions and thoughts all over the place.  'Why should I bother trying?'  'What's the point of it all?'  'This is too exhausting and I can't do it anymore.'  

The pain was unbearable some days... and then my dad would creep back into my thoughts and heart and I could feel him saying, "You are stronger than you think." "You can do this baby."  "If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey at the same time and never touch them again for over 30 years... you can do this."

Yes daddy - you are right.  I can, and have - because you taught me how to be strong.

Heartfelt

In 2 weeks I go back to the doctor and have my cholesterol checked - again.  It was originally 300 and, after my last post in December 2012 it had dropped 40 points, to 260.  I've been a bad girl and not had it tested since then.  I had good intentions and then life, as always, got in the way.

Though I have not had my cholesterol checked in 2 1/2 years I did not stop my path to getting healthy again.

My dad's death was my wake-up call. And, his ability to commit to something once he's made up his mind and never waiver, woke-up inside me.  He has been an inspiration for me every day since then.

On the days it's too hot, humid, cold, rainy, not feeling well, my body hurts, too tired, stressed, etc. and my inner voice tries to talk me out of pushing myself - my dad is there to say "You can do it.  Don't give up.  You are stronger than you know."

I have continued these past 2 1/2 years to slowly improve my health - by walking daily and lengthening my walks, deep stretch, and jogging occasionally.  I've also decreased my food portions, eating much healthier food, cutting back on fast food, cutting back on processed food & sugar and, cutting back on going out to eat. All the things I have known for years I need to do but continued to tell myself I really didn't need to do.  Which was putting me on the path of a heart event.

Everyday I continue to push myself - not because I'm on a diet, not because I'm trying to lose weight (though, that has been a bonus - I think I've dropped about 60lb's - I'll find out when I go to the doctors in 2 weeks).  Because I want my quality of life to be the best I can have to enjoy every day that I am lucky enough to wake up and start again. And, because my daddy's voice continues to tell me daily that I am strong and nothing can stop me but me.