Heartbreak
2014 was quite a year. Just as I was moving to the next level of exercise, by learning an organized sport that looks like a lot of fun - roller derby - I fell and dislocated and broke my left shoulder. That was in February 2014. I listened to karma, the universe, my body, or whatever you'd like to call it and, have been patiently waiting until I feel that I'm in even BETTER shape before attempting that again.Two short months later, April 11th, my dad died from a heart attack unexpectedly. He was 71. Almost a year and a half later and I am still trying to process this loss. Everyday I think of him and send him my love...everyday. And, I'm listening to the universe, karma, whatever you'd like to call it. Life is short, live each day as if it's your last, because you don't know and, have no control.
A few months later, our forever dog, Arthur, was diagnosed with cancer in his back left leg. The options were to let him die from cancer, or have his leg amputated. He was a mixed breed, but mostly beagle, and was still young enough that we decided to have his leg amputated. Of course, the cost was more than we could afford and so we used gofundme.com to see if we could get help. And, boy did we ever! Arthur had his leg amputated just before Christmas 2014 - and, healed up great, learned how to walk, run and go up and down stairs with his 3 legs. For the first time since we owned him he was a dog. And, then in March 2015 he died - from congestive heart failure - we had no idea. He went in a week, before we even had a chance to realize that there was something seriously wrong with him.
Around the same time of finding out about Arthur I also had a 16 year friendship end. It was a death of sorts and an adjustment of finding a new path with some new friends.
All-in-all an exhausting year 2014.
Heartache
There were many moments in 2014 where I just wanted to fall apart and give up. The hurt in my heart and soul, along with the constant pain with my shoulder and continual push with physical therapy to work through it.Well, there were days I fell apart in hysterical tears on my closet floor or in the shower...my emotions and thoughts all over the place. 'Why should I bother trying?' 'What's the point of it all?' 'This is too exhausting and I can't do it anymore.'
The pain was unbearable some days... and then my dad would creep back into my thoughts and heart and I could feel him saying, "You are stronger than you think." "You can do this baby." "If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey at the same time and never touch them again for over 30 years... you can do this."
Yes daddy - you are right. I can, and have - because you taught me how to be strong.
Heartfelt
In 2 weeks I go back to the doctor and have my cholesterol checked - again. It was originally 300 and, after my last post in December 2012 it had dropped 40 points, to 260. I've been a bad girl and not had it tested since then. I had good intentions and then life, as always, got in the way.Though I have not had my cholesterol checked in 2 1/2 years I did not stop my path to getting healthy again.
My dad's death was my wake-up call. And, his ability to commit to something once he's made up his mind and never waiver, woke-up inside me. He has been an inspiration for me every day since then.
On the days it's too hot, humid, cold, rainy, not feeling well, my body hurts, too tired, stressed, etc. and my inner voice tries to talk me out of pushing myself - my dad is there to say "You can do it. Don't give up. You are stronger than you know."
I have continued these past 2 1/2 years to slowly improve my health - by walking daily and lengthening my walks, deep stretch, and jogging occasionally. I've also decreased my food portions, eating much healthier food, cutting back on fast food, cutting back on processed food & sugar and, cutting back on going out to eat. All the things I have known for years I need to do but continued to tell myself I really didn't need to do. Which was putting me on the path of a heart event.
Everyday I continue to push myself - not because I'm on a diet, not because I'm trying to lose weight (though, that has been a bonus - I think I've dropped about 60lb's - I'll find out when I go to the doctors in 2 weeks). Because I want my quality of life to be the best I can have to enjoy every day that I am lucky enough to wake up and start again. And, because my daddy's voice continues to tell me daily that I am strong and nothing can stop me but me.
