I am both excited and petrified at the
same time. Leaving me wishing that for just a little while my daddy
was still alive so I could hear him say, “You've got this hon.”
The elation and joy that I experienced
trying it the first time still lives in me quite strongly. Not only
the fun and excitement of once again being on roller skates, but
meeting the women that were there – both skilled and, just learning
– were like my sisters. For the first time I felt like I belonged.
I am really not sure whether I want to
be officially on the team. The commitment is quite high and there
are many women I bump into here in NC that say, “Oh, I wanted to do
that but the commitment is just too much!” Or, they say, “I have
a good friend who was going to do it but the commitment was just too
much.” What I'm really looking for is to give this Derby School a
try and see if it fits with me. The commitment part is probably
easier than I imagine since I no longer have any children to look
after. But, for now, this is really an internal struggle – can I
learn this game? Do I even like it? And, even more than that, do I
have the physical capacity to do this?
Two years ago, when I tried and fell
and dislocated and broke my shoulder, I guess I wasn't physically
ready yet. Now, 2 years older, but yet 2 years healthier, I still
need to give this a shot one more time. As I don't want to go
through the rest of my life wondering...
...and that's what I think is really at
the crux of all of this. As scared as I am at possibly hurting
myself as badly as I did last time, I would rather try again with
that possibility instead of dying with that disappointment in myself
for not trying.
