Visit to the doctors...

I really like my primary care doc.  She was a random choice 3 years ago, based on location, availability and that she was covered under my insurance.

Unlike many doctors, she did not want or try to put me on meds when she saw how high my cholesterol was.  She was honest and serious about the work I would have ahead.

When I returned to see her after almost 3 years she remembered me enough to mention my hair color when she first saw me, "I don't remember you being a red head."  Which impressed me considering how many patients she must see daily.

She then thanked me for making her look good.  Which surprised me.  She said she has the conversation multiple times a week with people who are over weight and have high cholesterol, high blood pressure or on the road to diabetes and that I was statistically one of the few who has managed to make the change - with exercise and diet - to the point that I had improved my health.  Then she asked if there was a trigger - I advised her that my dad dying from a heart attack last year was it.

Then, looking over my family history of cholesterol and heart disease she then went on to say that I should prepare for the chance that my cholesterol test may end up coming back high still, even will all the changes I've done, based on genetics alone.  She also stated that even if it is still high that she was no longer as concerned because of my health improvement and that I've put myself to about .5% to 1% in danger of having a heart event.  But, that as I move into my 50's and 60's that we might have to revisit the med's.

I heard her but - I really was sure that I wasn't that statistic and that my cholesterol definitely had to have gone down more.  Especially when she advised me that I had lost 62 lb's!  The weight loss information was awesome news, but had not been my goal.

Well - she was absolutely correct.  My cholesterol only dropped 9 more points.  Yep, that's it!  I'm officially at 251.  **sigh**  It was a crushing moment, but, I paused to listen to my doc's voice saying that most likely I'm just genetically predisposed to this crap.

I still can improve on the foods I'm eating - which might help a little bit more.  

But, my next goal is to change the stress in my life. Which means career changes.  And, there are days where thinking about that alone stresses me out more than my actual job - and, other days where I daydream about the day that my work life won't be stressful (which are increasing).

Meditation and calming my mind, for just even 5 minutes, is my next goal.  As I don't think I can hear my heart over my head - and I need to switch the path that I follow from my head to my heart. That I know!

I am slowly finding my path to find that calm and quiet - and, honestly - I'm looking forward to it!

The doc said, "Well, I'll see you in a couple of years." before I left that day.  Hopefully, when she does and we do the test again - I'll surprise us both!

Heartbreak. Heartache. Heartfelt.

Heartbreak

2014 was quite a year.  Just as I was moving to the next level of exercise, by learning an organized sport that looks like a lot of fun - roller derby - I fell and dislocated and broke my left shoulder.  That was in February 2014.  I listened to karma, the universe, my body, or whatever you'd like to call it and, have been patiently waiting until I feel that I'm in even BETTER shape before attempting that again.

Two short months later, April 11th, my dad died from a heart attack unexpectedly.  He was 71. Almost a year and a half later and I am still trying to process this loss.  Everyday I think of him and send him my love...everyday.  And, I'm listening to the universe, karma, whatever you'd like to call it.  Life is short, live each day as if it's your last, because you don't know and, have no control.

A few months later, our forever dog, Arthur, was diagnosed with cancer in his back left leg.  The options were to let him die from cancer, or have his leg amputated.  He was a mixed breed, but mostly beagle, and was still young enough that we decided to have his leg amputated.  Of course, the cost was more than we could afford and so we used gofundme.com to see if we could get help.  And, boy did we ever! Arthur had his leg amputated just before Christmas 2014 - and, healed up great, learned how to walk, run and go up and down stairs with his 3 legs.  For the first time since we owned him he was a dog.  And, then in March 2015 he died - from congestive heart failure - we had no idea.  He went in a week, before we even had a chance to realize that there was something seriously wrong with him.

Around the same time of finding out about Arthur I also had a 16 year friendship end.  It was a death of sorts and an adjustment of finding a new path with some new friends.

All-in-all an exhausting year 2014.

Heartache

There were many moments in 2014 where I just wanted to fall apart and give up.  The hurt in my heart and soul, along with the constant pain with my shoulder and continual push with physical therapy to work through it.

Well, there were days I fell apart in hysterical tears on my closet floor or in the shower...my emotions and thoughts all over the place.  'Why should I bother trying?'  'What's the point of it all?'  'This is too exhausting and I can't do it anymore.'  

The pain was unbearable some days... and then my dad would creep back into my thoughts and heart and I could feel him saying, "You are stronger than you think." "You can do this baby."  "If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey at the same time and never touch them again for over 30 years... you can do this."

Yes daddy - you are right.  I can, and have - because you taught me how to be strong.

Heartfelt

In 2 weeks I go back to the doctor and have my cholesterol checked - again.  It was originally 300 and, after my last post in December 2012 it had dropped 40 points, to 260.  I've been a bad girl and not had it tested since then.  I had good intentions and then life, as always, got in the way.

Though I have not had my cholesterol checked in 2 1/2 years I did not stop my path to getting healthy again.

My dad's death was my wake-up call. And, his ability to commit to something once he's made up his mind and never waiver, woke-up inside me.  He has been an inspiration for me every day since then.

On the days it's too hot, humid, cold, rainy, not feeling well, my body hurts, too tired, stressed, etc. and my inner voice tries to talk me out of pushing myself - my dad is there to say "You can do it.  Don't give up.  You are stronger than you know."

I have continued these past 2 1/2 years to slowly improve my health - by walking daily and lengthening my walks, deep stretch, and jogging occasionally.  I've also decreased my food portions, eating much healthier food, cutting back on fast food, cutting back on processed food & sugar and, cutting back on going out to eat. All the things I have known for years I need to do but continued to tell myself I really didn't need to do.  Which was putting me on the path of a heart event.

Everyday I continue to push myself - not because I'm on a diet, not because I'm trying to lose weight (though, that has been a bonus - I think I've dropped about 60lb's - I'll find out when I go to the doctors in 2 weeks).  Because I want my quality of life to be the best I can have to enjoy every day that I am lucky enough to wake up and start again. And, because my daddy's voice continues to tell me daily that I am strong and nothing can stop me but me.


 

Watching Alex

It has been such an honor to get the chance to see Alex in action at his volunteer job!

The intensity of the "people in care" and the love and commitment that Alex shows and gives is just amazing!  The camphills allow the special needs people live a life of love, respect, kindness and are all treated the same as any of us should be.

Things are quite intense but not completely non-stop for Alex - yet you can see how exhausting it is, both physically and emotionally, on a daily basis.  He has to help them with their most basic needs - teeth brushing, bathing, bathroom, and then there is the cooking, cleaning and non-stop laundry!

Yet, as I sit here typing this he is singing and laughing and continually interacting with the young men that he is helping.  Two of them have downs syndrome and another has cerebral palsy (sp?) with gran mal seizures. They are all around 17 or 18 years of age and sweet, loving and intense as can be!

The young man with cerebral palsy has made improvement since Alex came almost 10 months ago.  Apparently he couldn't sit at a concert for even 5 minutes without making loud noises and creating distractions (which, with the majority of these concerts are classical in nature).  Yet, after Alex started working with him he can now sit through a whole performance and not upset the rest of the audience!

I am so glad that Shannon and I get to see Alex do this work as it helps us understand why he is going to commit himself to a second year.  It will be hard to be away from him for so long, but the impact on these peoples lives are worth the sacrifice.

Very proud momma here!

Persistence is not futile...

Okay, the title isn't really that great but, honestly, it is true.

Ever since I was given the big scare of my incredibly high cholesterol Shannon and I have been doing our best at making many adjustments.  From eating healthier, smaller portions, and exercise it has been a year of great change for us - albeit slow change, but, the persistence is paying off!

It has been more trying now that we are in the holiday season, but it hasn't been completely impossible and I think we are still doing fairly well.  We need to move back into eating more fruits and veggies, especially those darned leafy green things (ugh)!  But we have definitely improved on our portion sizes, which is a HUGE thing and I think has made the biggest change on how our bodies are changing.  And we have improved, but still have room for more, in the exercise department.

I did not weigh myself prior to starting off on this new path but I am pretty sure that over this past year I've lost around 25 to 30 pounds.  I have really not been watching my weight as I know that I'm gaining muscle where I'm losing fat, so I know the realities of weight loss not being my goal or focus.  And, honestly, I'm really focused more on the cholesterol as I don't want to have to start taking medications if I don't have too!  But I have definitely lost clothing sizes and can fit into quite a bit of items that haven't fit for a few years.  And that has helped me to keep up this new direction, and push myself to get even healthier.

On the exercise front we have been very successful with playing racquetball 2 or 3 times a week, and going on our daily walk at work up a very steep incline.  I continue to struggle with be consistent with my yoga but, every time I start it up, after only a few days, I feel so much better - flexibility wise and calmer in my mind - so I know it's worth it, I just suck at a daily rhythm or consistency.  But I'll keep pushing.

Sadly, the YMCA near where we work is going to be getting rid of their two racquetball courts, and I truly hate exercising for exercise sake.  I would much rather play a sport or two to get or keep in physical condition, but, alas that's not going to get to continue to happen.

There has been an offer of some new friends of ours to teach karate - apparently he is a 2nd level black belt (Or something like that), which I'm very interested in.  Otherwise it's going to be Shannon and I pushing ourselves to start doing sit-ups and longer walks, or, god forbid that thing I truly dislike, jogging or running for no reason. HA!

Wish us luck on continuing on our healthy path!  Would love to get some swim suit photos this summer and not look at myself and think, "Who the hell is that?"  but think, "There's the Kelley I remember!" Tee hee!
And I will update here what my new numbers are from my blood test this Friday... gulp!  I just wish there was a way to make things like kale taste good and not make me feel like a cow eating my cud.... sigh.

Living Room

Here are photos of what the living room used to look like:

The red patches were tests to see what color we liked, otherwise the walls were completely white.

And here are the after photos:

We are very happy with the final product!  I'm really not the big on red, but it feels right in this room.  It gives it a nice warm feeling.  And it looks nice with the fall leaf (pumpkin) color in the dining room and entry way, which you can just see in the 3rd photo above.

I'm very thankful to Jared for helping with the hard to reach spots and my hubby for being willing to put up with my need to change things every few years.

Dragons have been fought...

Many of you have probably read Alex's blog and understand the reference to dragons.  For those who haven't it is in regards to Michaelmas, a celebration in Waldorf schools all over the world.  Though it is not specifically an Autumn celebration (9/29 is the official date of Michaelmas), it does help us start to wind down and get ready for those dark winter nights.

The dragon that has been fought is in regards to Jared and his decision to not become a Marine.  He was finally told yesterday that he is done and no longer has to come back for his PT's and will not be called upon for Boot Camp either.

Now he has to turn his attentions to finding a job and see if he wants to start looking into college.

I am honestly very thankful that he is not joining the military.  Though I have the highest respect and admiration for those who willingly sacrifice themselves for the greater good of, not just America, but the whole world, I was petrified to have my son put himself in harms way.  I am sure I would never have slept well again!

Alex is off on his first adventures in Ireland for a mini-vacation with one of the other young men that is working there as well.  I cannot wait to read all about it and see all the photos!  He will be turning 20 in less than two weeks and I continue to be in shock at that idea.  I just do not feel like that much time has gone by, and certainly don't feel old enough to have a 20 year old son - but there you have it! GAH!

I asked Alex if he wanted to vote from overseas and here was his response (from the fingertips of our new generation):
"My right to be completely manipulated by a backwards working system to produce numbers that are pretty much uncheckable by me personally because it is my damn right to be a number in the system, a tally in a poll and voice in a sea of sounds that blabber aimlessly and directionlessly with split reasoning's and broken logic. Yay! But I'm cynical... haha...goodnight."

We have our first break of the school year, fall break.  We are not traveling anywhere this time but we will be transforming our living room with some paint!  Those white walls will be a nice red very soon.  I will share photos once it's complete!

Life is a Roller Coaster...

I have been silent for some time on purpose.  Some things had been up in the air and there was no point in putting all of you through the same crazy roller coaster I was going through until there were answers or completion.

Sadly, neither of those things have come to fruition so I'm just gonna put it all out there and know that it could be some time before one of those two events above happen (answers or completion).

Within a few weeks after Jared signed up for the Marines and had his date of when he would be going to boot camp he found love.

Her name is Suzy and she is wonderful!  She is sweet, kind, intelligent, respectful, thoughtful and very cute!  All-in-all I think she is an awesome addition to Jared's life, and ours occasionally.

There may be some of you out there that are going "uh oh"... and that would be the right response.

Now Jared has changed his mind and does not want to join the Marines. Welcome to the mind and heart of an 18 year old "adult". HA!

It was difficult enough to wrap my mind, and my heart, around his decision to join the Marines and then I sit there after he makes that announcement having to say the following words that I never thought I would have to say, "Maybe you should follow through on your commitment and give it a shot.  Besides, I don't think you can 'quit' once you've signed the paperwork."

He went ahead and talked to his recruiter, who is skilled at such things.  My new joke, which really isn't that funny, except in my mind is, "What is the most stubborn thing on the planet?  A Marine."  The recruiter did give Jared 3 options, but Jared could only remember the specifics on 2 of them, not quite remembering the words he used for the 3rd one.  Here they are:

1. Delay your boot camp until after the holidays.  So start in the new year.
2. Change from enlisted to reserves (with, or without a delay in the boot camp).
3. Jared does not remember his words but the interpretation in his mind was that he could quit.

The recruiter told Jared to go home and take some time to think things through and that he would talk with him in a couple of weeks.

Well, the couple of weeks came and went...and Jared has been spending most of his time with Suzy at her college down in South Carolina (anywhere from 3-5 days a week).  And he still wants to quit... I know, shocking!?!

So he went back to talk with the recruiter who asked him again.  Jared told him he wants to quit.  The Sergeant said no, he won't let him.  That he needs more time to think.   So more time has passed and he went back again and spoke to someone "higher up" in the recruiting center who told Jared he won't let him quit but he will switch him over to the Reserves.

And that, my good people, is where we are at.

Jared is understandably upset and at a loss as to what to do.  We, Shannon and I, are at a loss on what to tell him other than what we think.  Jared does not seem to like our answer, but, we keep saying it in different ways - hoping that it might sink in at some point.

Our answer is - switch to the reserves.  There was some part of him that really wanted to be a Marine, and probably still does underneath it all.  It's less of a commitment then enlisted and they still help pay for some college, but not all college.  Then when he's not "being a Marine" he can have a part time job and go to the community college nearby to get some of the basic classes out of the way and still have free time to visit with Suzy and hang out with her during her breaks.

Just when I thought that hearing my son say he has joined the Marine's was one of the hardest things to deal with it only got more complicated!  I want so badly to fix this for him, but he was deteremined enough to prove that he was an adult, could make an adult decision and, though he knew we were not excited about this path (for a million reasons) that, if this was what he was totally sure was what he wanted, that we would support him and that we were proud of him.

Now I sit there looking at this 18 year old young adult and sigh and shake my head and think, "Boy, if we would only listen to the adults around us that love us we wouldn't get into such messes at 18 years old!" HA!  Remembering all the stupid things I did that, I thought I knew what I was doing... I'm finally an adult.... no one can tell me what to do... and on, and on, and on!

Unlike cutting my apron strings with Alex because of the distance, this one is tougher because he's still living here at home and looking to us for help and guidance... but I need to shove aside the nagging, painful need to "fix this" and just sit back and watch it all play out.

That's it for today.  At this point I probably won't be posting much more about Jared until there are answers or completion...  stay tuned folks!