Xbox Dilemma

So for many years I have been a huge proponent against the Xbox. I'm sure you're thinking, "Well of course you are since you are a Waldorf family." but that is actually not it. I think it started when I saw the movie "Bowling for Columbine" back when we lived on Cape Cod - and even though our boys are nothing like those two young men it just made this impression that there really is nothing good or redeeming about having an Xbox (or any of the other myriad of game consoles that one can sink their money into). Besides, we have our PC and a million games that the boys can play - some of them the same games that you get for Xbox.

Speaking of money, that is the other huge reason for never owning one. I cringe every time I look at how much a new game costs for one of those devices. They are as costly, or even more so, than a new game for our PC. So it just never seemed like a smart investment of our money, our time and our children's braincells.

Fastforward to our new life here in NC.

Ahh, high school! Even at a Waldorf school high school it is still full of hormones and laziness and strange desires for stupid and annoying things...like Xbox's. So for the first time one started coming into our life. Only on the weekends, and usually only every other weekend. One of the other boys that is good friends of both our sons owns an Xbox and also has 4 controllers.

So at some point last year as this "fun" continued to ooze into our house Jared really wanted an Xbox - and for the first time ever I actually started to consider purchasing one for him. Both Jared and Alex seemed to enjoy playing it with their friends. And though the one game that they played over and over (Halo) seemed pretty intense and violent they were mostly laughing and having fun. There was the occasional grumble or argument about someone "cheating" but they overcame their issues. So, because things seemed to be going well I decided to start looking into getting a used one (Ebay or Craigslist) as I was not about to pay full price for one.

Then the day happened - and thank goodness it did before I had purchased something.

Jared started getting stressed and angry and both Alex and Sasha. They must have been ganging up on him and it pushed him over the edge. He started yelling at Alex, I mean really yelling. He was shaking and incredibly angry. Of course, Alex and Sasha just didn't get the fact that he was upset and just continued laughing, which only made things worse. Luckily things never got physical - but I think they were close. He continued screaming at Alex and wouldn't stop. It took a threat from me to finally get him to listen. And that was it! No more thoughts of Xbox...no more Xbox in our house for awhile either.

Weeks went by with no Xbox coming over. Then, slowly it started coming back - with promises that the outburst and anger wouldn't happen again. All 3 boys tried to slowly convince me to give in and let the boys get their own Xbox and I was adamant that there was no way that we would have one of our own. I think my exact words were, "Jared can buy one with his own money if he wants to but it's never coming into our house." So Jared and Alex gave up asking, but Sasha continued for a short time - and then, eventually he even stopped asking.

They continued playing with Sasha's when he came over and one of the other boys, Kimani, also would play with them - so it was always the 4 of them having fun and never really getting angry or upset. They would stop and go out for a walk with the dog or bounce on the trampoline, any physical ways to blow off any stress and get moving. Things were going amazingly well.

Fast forward 5 months to just past this Christmas.

Alex had been having lots of opportunities for socializing with his classmates and having parties or going to the movies - things like that. Jared had a few offerings from one of his old classmates to go do things but unfortunately it was the one boy that we can't trust as he had gotten into some trouble in 8th grade and Jared had followed along - so there was no trust with this boy.

So, as time went by Alex was always getting "Yes" and Jared was constantly getting "No". As a parent I was truly starting to feel guilty and it was eating at me. I kept hoping that Jared would want to start inviting some of his classmates over to our house like Alex did or make plans to go see a movie - anything that didn't involve that one boy. But, Jared isn't as into the social scene as Alex. Jared knows that we would be happy to have the whole 9th grade over for a party if he wants (all 19 of them) and we would make it work - but he is not interested in it.

So the boys had been given money as a gift from their grandma and they were trying to decide what to do with it. So, after many months of silence and fair play with the occasional Xbox Jared came to me very grown up and kind and asked, "Could we please use our money to get an Xbox 360 that we can get online and play with Sasha and Kimani without them always having to come over?" I just couldn't say no this time.

And that was how the Xbox invaded our lives though they have very specific rules and understand that if they fight, argue or are not doing their homework then the Xbox is gone.